


Creating Home

by Mara9002



Series: Definition of Home [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-12 10:37:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17465954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mara9002/pseuds/Mara9002
Summary: Part of the Where's Home? universe.  I suggest you read that first.





	1. Chapter 1

“Who needs all this furniture?”

“It’s the same that is in the other houses, Daryl.”

“What the hell I need 3 beds for?”

“You could invite guests over.”

“What am I, a teenage girl havin a sleep over?”

“Jesus and Aaron visited you at your camp. That’s 2 beds if they visit you here.”

“Just 1 actually.”

“They’re together?”

“Yeah, a while now.”

“Oh. Well, if you don’t want the rest of the furniture we’ll take it out, can see if anyone else needs it.”

“Yeah, okay. I don’t need half this shit. Where should I put it?”

“Make a list and we’ll get a crew to help you take it out and put it somewhere.” She smiled and motioned me to sit down on the couch, “We need to talk about something.”

Well, damn that’s never good. “What’s up?”

“I talked to Rosita and Gabriel and we want you to join the council. You were a valued member of the one at the prison and we think you would be here too.” I opened my mouth and she shook her head at me, “Wait, let me finish. You have good relationships with the leaders of Hilltop and Kingdom and well, frankly, I don’t. We could use that to ease things between the groups.”

“What really happened between ya all?”

She looked down at the floor. “Hilltop wanted Negan dead. They thought that was the only way to move forward. Even when Maggie didn’t kill Negan, most of the others wanted him dead. Then I drew up a charter and went to the other communities with it. Hilltop flat out rejected it. Said it wasn’t fair that we made all the rules without consulting them and they didn’t agree with some of the laws and punishments. Maggie withdrew from our alliance. Said Hilltop would make it on their own.” Michonne looked at me and there was something there I couldn’t quite place, “I had researched and spent months writing the charter. I was convinced it was a great start. They said it was arrogant of me to think I could decide all that for them. Maggie said she had followed Rick even when he was wrong and she wouldn’t do that again. They closed the gates to us and never reached out again. And the comment about Rick hurt so I was glad when they didn’t.”

I’m quiet as I take that in. I see Maggie’s side but what she said wasn’t fair. Hurtful. I wonder if Michonne sees she was wrong. I want to ask but don’t want to upset her.

She smiles at me, “Come on Dixon, talk. I can see the wheels turning. Ask me what you want to know.”

“Do ya think ya should’ve talked ta the other groups? Or put the charter ta a vote or somethin?”

“Looking back now, maybe. It was a good document though. It was right.”

“Chonne, ya ain’t gonna want me on this council.”

“Why not? And don’t go giving me any bullshit about how you aren’t good enough.”

“Ya won’t like what I’m gonna say.”

“Maybe not, but maybe I still need to hear it. Maybe we wouldn’t be in the situation we’re in now if you had been here then and told me I was full of shit. Correct me if you think I’m wrong. I trust you.”

“You was wrong. It ain’t right ta expect a bunch of people ta do things cause ya said so. They had the right ta have a say in all that. Offer ta put it ta a vote or committee or some shit. Get all the groups together and work on it. Make it belong ta everyone.”

“That will be tough to do since none of the others are talking to me. I know you had an interesting time at the barbeque so you didn’t get to see that the others don’t really speak to me. They were here but that’s it. Carol asked about the kids and then wandered off, Tara barely acknowledged me, Jesus and Aaron tried but then they left too. Ezekiel never even looked at me. That’s what we need you for. You still have good relationships with all of those people. They will listen to you. They might come to the table for you.”

“You want me ta be some kind of diplomat? Go from group ta group and talk them inta meeting witcha? Talkin has never been a strong suit, Michonne.”

“Maybe you don’t give a speech like Rick did but when you talk, people listen. They know you mean what you say and there’s no fakeness or lies. People will listen, they will come if you ask. Think about it and make that list of furniture. We’ll talk again tomorrow.”


	2. Chapter 2

Don’t know what ta think of Michonne’s idea ta send me out ta talk ta them. It doesn’t sound like me. I can hunt or fish. I can build or repair things but talkin others inta gettin together? She’s right, it is more Rick’s thin than mine. The idea of it makes me feel sick. 

Standin in front of people, givin speeches. No way! Don’t think I could even if I wanted ta and I don’t want ta. Besides I can’t leave here. Won’t leave Jude here wit him. Can’t tell Michonne that though. Maybe I could take her wit me wherever I go. Would Michonne allow that? 

The house is cleared out and now there’s just enough furniture in it. I’ve rearranged everythin the way I want it and if I gave myself a few minutes ta think, the whole thing would be so fuckin funny. I’m in a house bigger than all the places I lived in before the turn put together. It’s ridiculous. Everythin I could possibly need is here and things I know I’ll never use. There’s a cheese grater in the cabinet, what the hell would I use that for? 

Last night was the roughest night I’ve had in a while. Layin in a bed with clean sheets and pillows. It felt so damn strange that I couldn’t relax. Then in the middle of the night I heard singin. Thought I had finally lost ma mind. It was Negan. He must’ve been singin real loud. It was creepy as shit. I went downstairs ta hear better and I almost swallowed ma tongue. He was singin that stupid, fuckin song and I was right back in the cell. 

I could feel the cold underneath me. Naked and alone on the concrete. No noises but that song, over and over. Hungry, scared and wishin I was dead. Hurtin all over from the beatins. Wantin ta be home, wonderin if they blamed me for Glen the way I did. I could feel it, smell it and I was back there.

I don’t know how long I laid on the kitchen floor. I guess that’s where I fell when I heard the song. I know it’s almost dawn now and the singin has stopped. I’m cold and stiff and covered in sweat. Shaky when I sit up and even shakier when I stand. I go upstairs and shower and change. I’m thinkin of him the whole time. Does he know I’m up here? How? Livin here may be a bad idea.


	3. Chapter 3

“Uncle Daryl, wait up,” she’s yellin from way down the street and I stop and watch her approach. Who does she look like? Lori, of course, the long brown hair and she’s tall and willowy. That’s a word, ain’t it? I know it’s likely she ain’t really Rick’s kid. I knew about Shane and Lori ‘fore anyone. Saw them in the woods when I was huntin. Wanted ta wash my eyes out after that. When I got ta know Rick better, it pissed me off but I guess it made sense for them ta end up together when they thought he was dead. I guess I can see some Shane in her but when she talks? It’s all Rick and maybe a little Michonne.

“Where you going?” she smiles up at me and I know she means to follow me around. Which I don’t mind at all.

“Actually lookin for your mama. Know where she is?”

“Took RJ to the doctors. He’s coughing.”

“Where’s the doctor?”

She crooks her finger in a follow me gesture and starts walkin. We walk a few blocks in silence and it’s comfortable. Maybe she takes after me, I think to myself. When we get to the buildin she points and says, “Dr. S is in there. He’s real nice to me. He gave me a lollipop once. Do you know what a lollipop is? I’d never seen one before. It was so good.”

“It’s been a while since I had a lolly but I remember they was pretty good. Where’d he get it from?”

“Do you want one, Uncle Daryl? I’ll ask him if he has one.” She runs inside and I follow. I haven’t seen Siddiq since right after everythin. He looks the same, how is that possible? I feel like I’ve aged 50 years. Judith is askin him for a lollipop and Michonne is telling her not ta be greedy so she explains it’s for me and now they are both lookin at me weirdly. I shrug like the child is crazy as she tells them I want one. Siddiq smiles at me, reaches into a drawer and pulls out an orange lolly, hands it ta me. Judith is smilin like she won the lottery so I unwrap it and put it in my mouth. Michonne giggles and turns back to RJ when he coughs.

I haven’t interacted much wit RJ. Here is a child that there is no doubt he belongs to Rick. He looks like him and I wonder if that’s a comfort ta Chonne or a hurt. It hurts me ta look at em. I turn towards Michonne and ask when she wants ta talk about her stupid idea.

“It’s not stupid, Daryl. You would be such an asset.”

“Is this about the council? You really should join. We need you and your relationships with the others to set things right.” Siddiq throws his two cents in and now there’s even more pressure. Can I do this thin they’re asking me? I don’t think so. I can’t even sleep in a bed.

“Not you too, man. Give me a break from the hard sell. I don’t think this is my thin, Chonne.”

“It could be. How many times since I met you have you changed? You think you’re still that same guy from the prison? Come on Daryl, this is a way for you to change our world.”

It’s a good thin I ain’t full o’ myself usually. This change the world shit is a bit much. But if I could get the others ta come ta the table and talk, maybe Aaron’s kid and Jude could be friends. I’m becoming a sap in ma old age.

“How would ya want me ta start?”

Michonne gives me this smile that makes me think she knew I’d do this all along. It’s irritatin, frankly. “I thought you could go to Kingdom and talk to Carol and Ezekiel. With your friendship with Carol, that should be the easiest sell.”

“King and I ain’t on great terms. I don’t think I’m his favorite person.”

“I know you aren’t his least favorite, so there’s that. Try. That’s all I’m asking.”

“Can I take Judith wit me?” This is a dirty trick and I know it. The girl is standin right there and she is definitely gonna want ta come. I’ve made it more difficult for Michonne ta say no.

Judith looks at her mom with anticipation and I see Michonne cave. “Yeah, I don’t see why not. It will be good for her, I guess.” The look I get from Michonne makes me think I haven’t heard the end of this yet.

“Ok. We’ll leave tomorrow morning early.” I look at Judith and she is noddin her head so hard I think it might fall off. “What ya got for transportation round here?”

“Horses. You are not taking her on that bike.”

“Don’t like horses.”

“Don’t care. She’s not riding on the back of your bike to Kingdom, so forget it.”

I frown but I see we ain’t gonna move from that so I resign myself ta the horses. Haven’t been on a horse since that stupid one threw me down that ravine and impaled me on ma own arrow. Not lookin forward ta this.

Some of that must show on my face because Michonne is grinnin at me and says, “We will find you a nice, gentle, little, pony, dear. One you don’t have to be afraid of.”

I glare at her but she just laughs and it reminds me of the time we spent together chasin the Governor. We always got along well enough. I’ve missed the easy back and forth. Had it with her, Carol and of course, Rick.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road trip! Daryl starts on his mission for Michonne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for reading this. I will try to post a chapter a day. Kudos and comments are appreciated very much!

I wonder how many more miles til Kingdom. My ass is sore from this stupid horse and I still think she aims ta throw me at some point. I told Michonne that I ain’t scared I just have a respect for the beasts but I think that might’ve been a lie. Judith looks so comfortable on the horse and I just know her daddy would be proud of her. Rick liked horses too, was good wit em. 

She’s talking a mile a minute and don’t that remind me of Rick too. He’d get to talkin and not stop some days. Other days he wouldn’t say a word but either way I was always happy to be wit him. Still miss him. This trip is harder than I thought it’d be and we haven’t even got ta the part I ain’t gonna like.

“What do you think Uncle Daryl?” she looks at me with those big eyes and I hate ta admit that I got no idea what she’s talkin about. “You wasn’t listenin ta me was you?”

She’s been spendin too much time wit me and has started ta pick up ma way of speaking. “Say that sentence right girl. You ain’t no backwoods redneck. You are the leader’s daughter. Speak proper.”

She smiles and repeats the sentence correctly and I admit I have no idea what she’s yammerin on about. She frowns at me and then starts another story that I try ta pay attention ta this time.

By the time we get ta the outskirts of Kingdom, ma ears are tired. Boy, this girl can talk. The guards come out and meet us and take us right ta see the King. I ask about Carol but they don’t answer me. They know who Judith is and I think it makes them suspicious. They don’t know me from Adam.

“Daryl? What are you doing here?” before the sentence is over Carol is throwin her arms around ma neck.

“Let me go woman and I’ll tell ya. Say hi to Judith too while you’re at it. Geesh!”

She laughs at my fake grumblin. She smiles at Jude and says it’s nice ta see her. Judy is shy and nods at her. She doesn’t know Carol and that makes me sad. They were family once upon a time.

“The guards said you wanted to talk to me and Ezekiel. What’s going on? Is something wrong?”

She looks worried and I wonder if she thinks somethin happened ta Michonne and that’s why I got Judith. I shake ma head. “No, everythin’s okay. But I think we need ta talk bout stuff.”

“Come on, Zeke is in the war room.” She leads us ta a buildin and we go inta a room that looks like a conference room in a lawyer’s office. Not that I ever been in one, just seen it on TV. Ezekiel is there talkin ta people I don’t know. When he sees me, he gives me a smile I know ain’t real and dismisses everyone.

“Friend Daryl and little Miss Judith, what brings you to our humble home on this fine day?”

Ugh, can’t this guy talk normal. I see him look at Carol and she must make a face at him or somethin because he smiles this shy kinda smile and sits down in one of the chairs. “Sorry, I get carried away some days. How have you been Daryl? Haven’t seen you since the barbecue.”

Well, that’s different. I’ve never heard him talk normal before. I’m glad he can because I don’t know how long I coulda taken that other shit. “Hey, King. I’m good. Think we all need ta talk bout a few things.”

He looks at Carol, who shakes her head and he smiles and shrugs, “Okay, are you hungry? Does Miss Judith need a nap or anything?”

Judy looks offended but I frown at her and she stays quiet. “We could eat, I guess. Is there somewhere Judith can go while we talk?”

Now Judith is pissed. Her eyes are squintin at me and her whole body looks mad. “Uncle Daryl, I’m not going anywhere. I’m the leader’s daughter and I have every right to be here.” She pulls herself up ta her full height and looks me right in the eye. She’s a spitfire, this one, but I’m gonna have ta bench her for this and I know she ain’t gonna go quiet.

“Sorry Jude but this is adults only at first, girlie. But you got a part too. It just comes later, is all.” She’s hurt at being treated like a child and it dawns on me I shoulda told her this ahead time. She looks down at the floor and I hate how sad she looks. “I promise girl, your part is important too. But this beginning is just us. Don’t be mad.”

“Not mad. That’s for babies. I’m angry. You brought me here and I thought it was because you needed me.”

Again I wonder how I’m gonna negotiate wit the adults when I can’t communicate wit the kid so well. “I do. Let’s go outside a sec.” I take her outside the door and tell her I need her ta look around and learn about the community. She can go places I can’t and no one will stop her cause she’s just a kid. They won’t worry bout her. She smiles and skips off on her “mission”. I go back inta the adults, sweatin already.


	5. Chapter 5

There’s food on the table when I go back in and I take an apple slice and pop it inta ma mouth. Anythin ta stall some more. They are lookin at me and I know I need ta start talkin. They are seated close together and anyone would know they mean somethin ta each other. I’m uncomfortable but I decide to just start. King may not get me but Carol will.

“I’m stayin at Alexandria for now. Talkin ta Michonne the other day and she was tellin me bout the problems between her and Hilltop. Didn’t say how things went between her and y’all. Did ya disagree wit it too?”

“Did she send you here to feel us out about the charter? She should’ve come herself years ago.” Carol seems pissed off and I’m not sure why. The tone of her voice has me wishin I’d stayed in the forest.

“I agree. She told me bout how Hilltop took it and I told her she was wrong. She did ask me ta come here but it was ta try ta bring everybody back together ta talk. I’m on their council now, if ya can believe it? Don’t know how that happened. Told her she was wrong not ta have everyone’s say in the rules and such.”

Carol and King look at one another and he nods at her like she should talk. “She was so set on everyone doing this her way. We made some suggested revisions and she refused to consider them. She wanted it to all to stay the same and it rubbed people the wrong way, Daryl. We had just defeated a guy who wanted it all his way.”

“That ain’t quite fair now, Carol. She ain’t him and ya know that. She might’ve gone bout it the wrong way, but she meant well. Wasn’t a good time for her, you know?”

“Wasn’t a good time for any of us.”

“Better for some though.” I look from her ta King and I know she takes my meanin. Things were hard but they worked out better for Carol than some of the rest of us.

“I lost Carl too. I lost Rick. We all did.”

“But that was her boy, her man.”

“He was everyone’s boy, Daryl. Yours too.”

“Not the same and ya know it. Not sayin we was any of us in a good place but she had it rough. Lost a lot. Might’ve had somethin ta do wit how she behaved. Just sayin. Whatever it was, she wants ta talk now. Ain’t that somethin?”

“Yes, it is. Just wish she would’ve come herself instead of pressuring you into doing it for her. That’s not fair to you. It feels manipulative. And why are you babysitting Judith?” Now I see. She ain’t just mad at before, she’s mad because she thinks I’m being used.

“I wanted ta make this trip. I wanted Jude wit me. I still ain’t nobody’s bitch. You should know that.”

She smiles at me, “I do. But I know that you like to help your family. I don’t want her taking advantage of that.”

“She ain’t. Didn’t ya think that I might want us all together just like it was. We’re family, even still, and we should be talkin.”

“So how does she want to do this?”

“Forget how she wants ta do it. How do you want ta?”

“We should meet somewhere neutral.”

“Where’s neutral but still safe?”

King speaks up for the first time, “The abandoned Sanctuary is neutral. What about meeting there?”

Carol shakes her head. “No, too many bad memories.”

“If I can do it, ya can. Carol it’s a good idea. Kinda ironic, don’t ya think?”

“If you’re sure you’re okay with it?” I nod and give her a small smile, “Okay. When?”

“Don’t know yet. Goin ta Hilltop next. I’ll send a messenger when we know. Any time not work for ya?”

“No, we will be there fine sir. With bells on.” King smiles at me and it’s the first real smile I’ve ever seen from him. I get the feelin he’s kiddin wit me.

“Yeah, alright then. We stay here tonight and leave in the mornin?”

Carol beams, “Wouldn’t have it any other way, dear. Let’s go find Judith and I’ll show you around.”

She takes my hand and leads me out o the room. I wonder if King gets jealous o my relationship wit Carol. Not that he has any reason ta be. She chose him long ago.


	6. Chapter 6

We’re on the road again. I remember that song by Willie Nelson. My mama used ta sing it in the car when we went somewheres. Judith is talkin ta me again (she didn’t right away last night). She’s talkin bout the animals at Kingdom and how cool Aunt Carol is and the King is funny and did he really have a tiger and on and on. I’m listenin this time and she looks over every once in while to make sure I am. It’s a nice way ta spend the time. Hilltop’s not much farther now.

When we get there I notice Alden’s on the gate. He sees me, smiles and opens up. Alden’s a good guy. He’s callin down ta Tara who must be near. There are hugs and now Tara’s talkin a blue streak and I wonder if it’s possible Jude got that from her. Jesus and Aaron are in the office in the big house and Tara promises ta take care o Judith so I go on up.

I knock on the door and wait ta be told ta come in. After all, Jesus and Aaron are together and I ain’t walkin in on them. They are sittin on a couch and there are papers everywhere. They both get up and come ta me. Hugs again and then they are both talkin over each other and I put a hand up for quiet. I’m at my limit for talkin I think. They quiet and look at one another.

“What brings you here, Daryl? Are you still at Alexandria? Tell me you didn’t go back to the woods.” Jesus is frowning by the end of his little speech.

“I’m stayin at Alexandria, have ma own house and everythin. I’m on the council now. Don’t know how that happened, but I am. Came ta talk ta you guys bout somethin.”

“Oh wow. That’s a lot of changes there Dar,” Aaron is lookin at me strange, like he thinks I’ve lost ma mind. He might be right.  
“Yeah. I’m still tryin ta wrap ma head around it. Who’s your leaders?”

“Us, Tara and Alden. You want to talk to everyone at once?” Aaron seems surprised by this and I can’t blame him. It ain’t like me at all.

“Yeah, if I can. Just want ta do this the one time.” I’m startin ta feel nervous.

“Okay. Take me a few minutes to get everyone. Don’t even know where Tara is to be honest.”

“She’s wit Judith. Probably somewheres there’s animals.”

Both men look at each other in surprise. They keep wearin them expressions their faces gonna freeze that way. “Yeah, um, okay. I’ll go round them up.”

Jesus leaves and Aaron is lookin at me strange. He must have a hundred questions and he’s afraid ta ask. I nod at him ta go ahead and ask. He smiles. The easy communication we developed while we was recruitin is still there.

“How did you end up on Alexandria’s council? Living in Alexandria? I kind of thought you’d end up here if anywhere. What’s going on with you?”

I wonder how much ta tell em. But I trust Aaron so, “I live in Alexandria mostly cause of Judith. She wants me there and that’s enough reason. She spent a lot o time wit Negan and I ain’t comfortable wit that. She would go there and talk wit him. Then she heard him and me talkin and decided he was mean to me and she was gonna kill him, Aaron. I stay so she don’t ever do that. She ain’t had ta do the things the rest o us have. I won’t let that start now. Not for me.”

He’s lookin at me like I’m ice cream. Like he ain’t ever seen anythin so good and I wish he’d stop. “You are amazing Daryl, you really are. Always knew you were one of the good ones. So how’d they get you on the council?”

“I don’t know.” I shake my head and he laughs. “but I got somethin ta talk ta ya all bout.”

The others come in then and I’m glad. I just want ta get this out and then I’ll have done what I told Michonne I’d do. They sit down facin me and I’m still standin so now I feel like I’m on stage. I’m more nervous than I thought I’d be.

“I know things between Alexandria and Hilltop ain’t been great. I know Michonne’s side o things but I’d like to hear yours.”

Tara is leanin forward and I bet she’ll tell the tale. “Did Michonne tell you we were unreasonable? That we wouldn’t listen to her great ideas? She came in here ordering us around and was mad when Maggie wouldn’t fall in line.”

Jesus smiles at her, “Now Tara don’t make it sound like she was barking orders. She came in with the charter and wanted us to start following it with no discussion. There were parts of it Maggie didn’t like, parts I didn’t like either, but that didn’t seem to matter. They argued and Maggie said some hurtful things. But Michonne’s attitude about it all was hurtful too. Both sides were wrong.”

Tara looks like she’s gonna argue but Aaron steps in, “Why are you asking these questions now?”

“Cause I think we need ta fix things. Judy don’t know any o ya.” Everyone looks at her sittin in the corner then they look back at me, “Think we can do it right this time.”

“So you want us to get together and rewrite the charter? Are you going to lead this or is Michonne?” Tara asks.

“No one has ta lead, do they? We just get together and do it just like we did in the …” I stop. Wasn’t none of them there in the prison. “When we lived in the prison, we had a council, made all the decisions. It can be like that again.”

“With these big personalities we have now, no way. Michonne, Ezekiel? Everyone will want to do it their way, Daryl.” Tara is lookin at me all serious.

Jesus and Aaron look at one another and Jesus nods. Aaron talks, “We will come to the table if you are in charge of the meetings.” The others nod. 

“What? I don’t want ta be in charge. Are y’all crazy? I don’t know anythin bout runnin this kinda thing.”

“You said there was a council in the prison. Were you on it?”

“Yeah, but no one ran it.”

“But you’ve done this sort of thing before and it was successful. You can do this. It probably has to be you. Kingdom involved too?”

“Yeah. I’m just comin from there now. They suggested we meet at Sanctuary cause it’s neutral.”

“Good idea. When?”

“Don’t know. Soon. How bout two weeks from today?”

“Sounds good but only if you are in charge Daryl. Otherwise we will walk away.”

I think Aaron’s tryin ta kill me.


	7. Chapter 7

I’m in a room in the big house at Hilltop. It’s the middle o the night. I can’t sleep. Jude is wit Tara (a slumber party Tara called it and then had to explain what that was). I’m pacin a track in the floor. All evenin they talked bout the meetin and now it’s all I can think bout. I can’t be in charge. Hell, I can’t even sleep most nights. I don’t go in the kitchen of the house in Alexandria because of that first night. How’m gonna run a meetin wit all these people? The sweat is pourin off me and I feel like I can’t breathe right. Can’t do this, I’ll tell Aaron in the morning. He’ll help. He’ll understand. Maybe.

After no sleep at all, I leave the room at daybreak. Jesus is standin on the porch of the house looking out over the fields. He sees me and smiles. I’m walkin towards him before I can think about it.

“I can’t do this.”

“Stand on the porch? Or lead the meeting?” he’s smilin at me.

“The meetin, prick.” We both smile, “Talk to ya man and explain it ta em.”

“Talk to him yourself but it won’t do any good. Sometimes Daryl, we do what is right instead of what we want to do. I know you know that.”

“Me in charge ain’t right. That was Rick’s job. Now it’s Michonne’s, Carol’s, yours. Not me.”

“Sorry, I disagree. You will keep it fair and make sure everyone’s heard. It will work better this way and I don’t think you will be able to talk Aaron out of this.”

I wonder if I told them about the problems I’ve been havin wit freakin out and shit if that would matter. I don’t want them ta pity me but I also don’t want ta do this. Aaron comes out and smiles at us. He gives Jesus a peck on the lips as a good mornin and then starts down the stairs. I follow him.

“I can’t do this, Aaron. Ya know it ain’t me.”

“I’ve seen you do harder things.”

“No, ya haven’t. Ain’t nothin harder than what ya askin me ta do.”

“I bet you didn’t want to come to the communities and talk to everyone, right?” he waits and I nod. “But you did and now everyone is getting together in two weeks. People who haven’t spoken in years will be in the same room because of you. That’s an accomplishment. One I bet you didn’t want to be responsible for. Face it Daryl, this is your job now.”

“You don’t understand. Don’t know what ya askin. I can’t.”

“I know you aren’t in the best frame of mind. I know you are still processing things. This could help.”

“Still processin? Is that an educated way of sayin I’m losin ma mind? Cause that’s how it feels. You don’t know shit about my frame of mind, man. Not jack shit.”

“No, I guess I don’t because you won’t talk to anyone. But I was there at the barbecue and I know that you had some kind of reaction to talking to Negan again. I can’t imagine how what he did to you has screwed you up but this is a chance to do something productive. Something beneficial to everyone you love and all the others in these communities. The Daryl I know will chose that.”

“It’s not about choice, damn it. I don’t choose ta pass out when thins remind me of that cell, I don’t choose ta lay awake all night because when I close my eyes I’m back there again. I didn’t choose ta let that song turn me inta some vegetable on the kitchen floor. Didn’t choose any of it but it’s still there.” When I finish ma little outburst, I realize that I’ve said more than I wanted ta. 

Aaron is lookin at the ground. I can’t tell what his expression is but I’m sure it’s pity. I start to walk away, embarrassed that I’ve told him so much. When he puts his hand on ma shoulder, I damn near jump out ma skin. I turn around and my hands are up like I’m gonna hit im. He backs away wit his hands in the air.

“Sorry. That was stupid. I’m so sorry.” He’s breathin hard and so am I. “You should have kicked my ass. It was such a stupid thing to do. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. You just surprised me is all. It’s okay.”

He knows that’s a lie and I know he knows but it’s good. “I didn’t know it was so bad, Daryl. Have you told anyone?”

“What am I gonna do, Aaron? See a shrink? Those days are gone, man. Look I wasn’t lookin for sympathy or pity or anythin. I just wanted ya ta see I ain’t fit for this. I can’t do it.”

“As messed up as you are you are still the best choice. All of us are carrying scars, man. Yours make you stronger. They always have, haven’t they?”

I forgot that Aaron knew about ma back. So he knows I’ve been messed up a long time. I close ma eyes and wish I was somewhere else. Don’t know where but somewhere. Aaron smiles, turns and walks away.


	8. Chapter 8

I can’t fuckin believe I’m here again. After the war was over I ran this shithole for 18 months or so. I hated every minute. Did it cause Rick asked me ta and I was honorin Carl. Haven’t been back since then.

It’s just Michonne, Gabriel, Rosita and me. Where we are standin is where I took that beatin after I tried ta escape the first time. Over there is the fence that used ta have walkers chained ta it. I worked that fence for a time. Lookin at the fence I can almost smell it again. I feel like I’m gonna be sick. I walk away towards the door inside but inside ain’t no better. Now I’m in the room Negan took the iron to that boy and I cleaned up his piss after with Carl watchin. My heart is beatin in ma ears and I feel weird. My vision gets smaller and all I can think is don’t pass out again.

Michonne is lookin down on me. My ass is on the floor and she’s talkin ta me but I can’t hear her. I try ta stand up but she puts her hand on ma shoulder and pushes me down. She doesn’t want me ta stand yet. Probably right but I ain’t gonna be on the floor when the others get here. I brush off her hand and struggle ta ma feet. Gabriel lends a hand and I’m grateful.

“Daryl, are you…”

That’s as far as she gets, then she sees the look on ma face and decides to drop it. I walk a bit away and just focus on breathin. I read somewhere that breathin deep was important when ya felt like ya was gonna pass out. I hear noises from outside and figure another group is here. Time to look like I know what the fuck I’m doin here.

It’s Hilltop’s group and I’m glad ta see them. Aaron walks over and hugs me. I wonder if he can tell I’m not doing great. The hug lasts longer than it seems like it should. Yep, he knows. Jesus and Alden smile. Tara hugs me so hard she takes ma breath. I miss her.

“Just waitin on the King and them. Figures he’d make an entrance.”

The others laugh. Then I hear horses and know that’s them. I walk away from the group. I’m lookin for a table and chairs we can sit at. Should’ve come here and arranged shit but I didn’t want ta. Find some tables and chairs in the next room. Wave everyone over.

They are sittin round the table and lookin at me. Aaron speaks first, “I thought it would be good if Daryl headed up this whole thing. I think we can all agree that he will be fair and impartial. He’s also big enough that he can throw out anyone who isn’t behaving.”

The others smile or laugh but I just want ta disappear. “I don’t want ta be in charge. I think we can do this without a leader. Michonne, Carol remember the prison? There was no leader on that council.”

They both smile at me. Michonne says “Hershel was the leader of that council, Daryl. And if you think about it you know I’m right. He was the one we looked to before we made any decision. You can fill that role quite nicely. I second Aaron’s suggestion.”

I look at her like she’s lost her mind. Me? Anythin like Hershel? That’s an insult ta the man. Before I can argue wit her, Carol speaks up, “Daryl, we aren’t expecting you to make a speech or lay out a lot of rules. Just call bullshit if you see it.” She smiles at me, “You have never had a problem with that.”

I’ve been beat so I sit down. There’s no arguin wit these people. I look at Michonne. She has copies of the original charter. She gives one to each group. Then she looks at me. 

“Daryl thought it would be a good idea to go over the original charter and make some notes on what each group likes and dislikes. Then we can come up with some starting points.”

The groups agree and everyone goes into different areas to read it together. The next hour is slow and borin. I’ve read the thin but I’m not a part of any group so I’m just sittin over ta the side tryin ta look like I know what I’m doin. I wonder what Judith is doin. I wanted ta bring her but Michonne said no so I left her wit Siddiq. Told him not ta let her out of his sight. I hope he takes me serious.

 

Can’t believe that stupid motherfucker left the door open. I’m out of that cage for the first fucking time since the whole thing went to hell. It’s the best feeling in the whole shitting world. Now where is Michonne and Daryl? Got to get my Daryl back.


	9. Chapter 9

I’ve asked but no one would tell me a fucking thing. Where are my men? I don’t think Rick and company killed all them motherfuckers because that isn’t what Rick believed in. So where the hell are the ones still alive? I’m going back to Sanctuary. Maybe some of them are still there. It makes sense that the ones who wouldn’t conform to Rick’s bullshit would just stay there. Once I find them I can set a few fucking things, fucking right.

There are a shit ton of horses outside my house. My motherfucking house. Who are all these assholes and why are they there? I have to be careful for this part because who the fuck knows who is in there. If it’s my men, then we are ready to roll right over Alexandria and them other bitches, but if it’s not then I could be the one getting rolled. 

Well, fuuckk. Everyone’s here. There’s that shit ass king and his gray bitch. Michonne and Daryl, even the almighty Jesus is here. What are they doing here and how can I kill them all? I have to get closer and see. 

From here it looks like they are reading something. Is this their fucking book club meeting or some shit? Daryl is standing off to one side and the others are in groups. I wonder how I can get Daryl to separate from the others so I can use him as a hostage. With that kind of fucking leverage I could get these other bitches to do whatever the hell I want. I pick up a brick and throw it through the window of an abandoned car. Then I duck down and hope for the fucking best.

“What was that?” Michonne is up and so is half the group. 

“I’ll go check it out. Ya all keep readin.”

“I’ll go with you.” Jesus volunteers but I need them ta finish this borin shit so we can get a move on.

“Nah, I got it. You stay wit ya group and finish up. I’m losin ma mind waitin on all you all.”

Jesus smiles and I go outside. The sound came from the parking lot. Somethin’s weird. There’s no bird sounds here now. There were before. Someone’s here. I stay near the entrance and call out, “Who’s there? Know someone’s here. Whatcha want?”

I figure it has ta be strangers. If they knew us they would just come up and talk. It’s been a while since I saw new people. Still that’s the only thin that makes sense. I walk just a little closer. Still have ma crossbow up and aimed towards where the sound was. Get just a little closer. Hear a noise off to ma right and that’s where I’m lookin when I feel the blow ta the side of ma head. 

They miss ma temple which is the reason I ain’t unconscious. I drop down low and spin around. See feet movin and I aim the crossbow. I hit low on the calf and hear a grunt of pain. Sounds like a man. Circle the other way tryin ta surprise them. When I come around the car and see him, I’m pretty sure I’m seein thins.

Negan is standin there lookin at me wit a smile on his face. The arrow must’ve grazed him because he’s standin okay. He laughs like he’s thinkin somethin funny and then charges me. I can’t get the crossbow up in time and he head butts me in the stomach and we go down together. I know I ain’t seeing things now because he’s punchin me in the stomach. I curl up ta protect and start throwin punches of ma own. I hit him in the face and there’s blood. He growls and tries ta stand. I grab him around the waist and try ta keep him on the ground.

“What a nice hug, Daryl. Knew you missed me as much as I missed you.” His voice is weird and I know it’s cause I broke his nose. “Wanted to see you sweetheart. When I’m done beating the ever loving shit out of you, your friends in there won’t know it’s you.”

He hits me again and we wrestle on the floor for leverage. We’re tradin blows and he’s landin enough that I’m feelin it. He must be too cause he turns and attempts to crawl away. I’m after him, tryin ta gain ma feet. He is too. The kick ta ma head stuns me and he leans down in ma face and says, “Who are you?”

The tone is the same as back then and I can feel my vision goin small. I will not pass out now. Images flash behind ma eyes of all the days wit him back then. All the things I had ta do. I haven’t even moved when he kicks me again and the lights go out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this one. Thank you all for reading.

I motherfucking did it. Wonder why the hell he didn’t move before I hit him. He just laid there looking right through me. Oh, I wonder what the fuck was going on in that shit for brains head of his. I take his crossbow and knife. I throw the crossbow as far as I can. It’s no use to me because I don’t know how to use the fucking thing. Then I drag Daryl towards the door. I bang on it with the handle of the knife then drop down and hold it to Daryl’s throat and yell as loud as I can, “Little pigs, little pigs, let me in.”

The reaction is immediate. There are suddenly 9 people at the doors to my house. Yes, my fucking house. How dare these asswipes use my house for their shit? Weapons are drawn and pointed at me. No guns. I guess they aren’t as practical anymore. That’s good for me. I wave the knife at them so they see that I have it on Daryl’s neck. “Put the weapons down or I’ll carve him up like a fucking turkey. You all remember Thanksgiving right, it was a hell of a long ass time ago. Put everything down and kick it towards me.”

“You can’t kill him. He won’t be any good to you then.” 

“Michonne, honey, don’t talk to me like I’m fucking stupid. I hate that condescending, shitty ass tone, bitch. I didn’t say I’d kill him, now did I? I said I’d carve him.”

They all look at one another and then start laying down weapons and kicking them. So a successful first fucking step. Now how do I get what I want?

“What do you want Negan?” The gray haired bitch can read minds apparently. And it’s a good fucking question. What do I want?

“Where are my men?”

“You don’t have any men anymore. They are either dead or gone. Most of them couldn’t conform to the communities so they went their own way.”

“They’re all gone?” These motherfuckers will pay. I will kill them all slowly.

“Alden is still with us and a few of the others but most died or left years ago. Did you think they would wait forever for you? That’s cute. They were not that loyal.”

That old little bitch is really starting to get on my motherfucking nerves. I might have to kill her first. Daryl moves at my feet and I crouch down and stick the knife closer to his neck. “Don’t move Daryl. We are in the middle of a great conversation. You know what the topic is? What to do with your sorry ass. I would think these people wouldn’t even mind that much if I slit your pathetic throat. After all you are still a fuckup, aren’t you buddy? Came out here and got yourself captured. Now they don’t have any weapons just so they could protect you. Must be pretty damn disappointing that they just have to keep rescuing you.” 

I pause. See I learned something about Daryl in our days together. I went about breaking him all wrong. I had him beat up but judging from the scars on him, somebody’d been doing that his whole sorry life. The closest I got to breaking him was that beautiful fucking picture of the Asian guy I lucilled. Guilt and the disappointment of the people he cared about was the way to go. Daryl hasn’t moved and is looking at the ground. Fucking perfect.

“Now the rest of you sorry shits, this is what I need from you. I want a horse, these weapons, some food and you all to agree to let me go. When I’m far enough away that I feel safe, I’ll let Daryl go. It’ll break my heart though. You were always my favorite.” I smile at him but he doesn’t look at me. I look at him more closely and realize that something ain’t right. He’s breathing like he just ran the fucking Boston marathon. He hasn’t moved or said shit. What the actual fuck is going on?

“Okay, Negan. I’m going to gather up the weapons now and Aaron’s going to get you a horse.” It’s Jesus and he starts to slowly gather weapons. Aaron looks at him and I can tell they are fucking. Stupid asses can’t even hide their feelings for 2 fucking minutes. Daryl is still the better hostage but boy would I love to knock that Jesus asshole down a notch or two. Wonder if he would cry if I took his boy toy away. Jesus lays the weapons down near my feet. He reaches out to touch Daryl and I’m not having that shit.

“Don’t touch him you fucking fag. He’s mine. I’ve made that clear, haven’t I? Want me to kill him now and take your boy hostage instead? That can be arranged. Back the hell up.”

Jesus holds his hands up in front of him like he’s surrendering to the cops. The fear on his face is fucking priceless. Daryl jerked once when I called his friend a fag but he hasn’t moved since then. Aaron, the boy toy, brings the horse over and backs up. He tries to make eye contact with Daryl but Daryl doesn’t look up from the floor. Guess he doesn’t want to fucking die.

“What else do you need?” That’s Michonne and her tone surprises me. She’s being subservient as hell and that just ain’t her. Something’s going on. She is staring at Daryl and looks more than worried. I wonder what is going through her head.

“Daryl, get up on the horse. I’m going to be riding behind you so leave me some room asshole. Don’t try anything. I have enough weapons to kill all of your worthless asshole friends. Michonne, I need a bag or something for all these lovely weapons and some food. Thanks sweetie. Always knew you’d be the perfect little bitch.”

She goes back inside to get a bag and food I guess and I mount the horse. They can put the weapons in the bag. When I settle behind Daryl I can feel him breathing hard. I’m sort of surprised he hasn’t passed the fuck out yet. I put my hand on his waist and he jumps bad. I lean over and whisper in his ear, “Pick up the reins. Don’t do anything stupid asshole. I can still kill you slow. Don’t make me hurt you. Again.”

Daryl moves slow and picks up the reins. He’s shaking and now I’m wondering what the fucking hell happened to this prick to cause him to be such a fucking mess. I hold my hand out and he gives me the reins. Michonne comes out and puts the weapons in the bag. She hands the bag up to me but I poke Daryl and he takes it. 

“Good, we’ll be going now. Don’t follow us motherfuckers. I get any idea that you are and I will kill him. He’ll be dead before he falls off the shitting horse, I promise you. Do we understand one another, dicks?”

They nod and look at the ground. Many of them are trying to make eye contact with Daryl but he isn’t having it. He’s looking down at his lap and I can’t figure out what the fuck he is up to. Is this an act and he’s suddenly going to try to steal the knife and kill me? Is he more hurt from our fight than I thought? Nah, that doesn’t make any sense since he took worse beatings at Sanctuary back in the day. Something isn’t fucking right.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. I hope you liked this story. I'm not too proud to beg for kudos and comments. :) Thank you all for reading.

If I don’t move this time, nobody else’ll get killed. I gotta stay still and do what this prick says and maybe I’m the only one ta die taday. Would be okay if that’s what happens. I get on the horse. The idea of this asshole right behind me, touchin me has me shakin so bad I can’t hide it. Wish I could, hate that he knows I’m strugglin wit this. 

He threatened Jesus and Aaron. Called Jesus a fag. I hope Jesus just takes it and moves away. He does, good. Can’t stand the thought of somethin happenin ta him or Aaron. I want ta tell them ta just let him take me and not do anythin stupid. That’s when I notice that is what they are doin. As we ride away, I want to look back at em but I can’t wit him behind me. It’s probably better this way. I don’t want Negan to know that it hurts ta leave these people, that it hurts they let me go. It’s ma own fault, I guess. I’ve been away so long maybe we all ain’t as close as we used ta be. When we get far enough away, I’ll try ta get free. If he kills me, that’s okay but I ain’t goin far wit em.

“I would give a whole fuckton of pennies to know what’s going on in that redneck head of yours. You ain’t right, you know? Something is really wrong with you. I wouldn’t have wanted you at all if you were this much of a pussy back then, no fucking way. You didn’t move, fight, nothing. What the hell happened to you? “ I don’t answer him, “Was it losing Rick? I wondered about your relationship with Rick the Prick, honestly. Were you knocking boots? Were you just like Jesus and his one-armed boy toy? Were you bending over for him, huh? Bet you were. Second in command, my ass. Or your ass, I guess.” Negan laughs and laughs and I’ve had enough.

I fall off the horse and roll when I hit the ground. It takes Negan a second ta realize what happened. He stops the horse and dismounts. I scramble ta ma feet and run. Nobody’s better in the woods than me. 

I can hear em behind me. He’s yellin my name and cussin up a storm. He’s crashin through the brush like a hurt boar. I’m far enough ahead that I climb a tree and wait. I got no weapons and he might have some so I got ta surprise em. I wait.

I can hear em movin further away. Asshole can’t track for shit. I snap a branch and throw it into another tree. He stops and starts back ta me. I hold ma breath and wait. He’s talkin again.

“Come out now Daryl and we can still end this peaceful like. I won’t even kill any of your fucking friends. See my plan before all this was to get far enough away and then kill you. But after that I would’ve just kept going on my merry fucking way. But now I’m thinking I may go back to Alexandria. I need another hostage and if it can’t be you, there’s only one other person I can stand to be in the same fucking room with. That Judith is a real piece of work. I could use her. It might take some time to break her but I got time. I’d wait at least 5 years to offer her the position of my wife. She’d make a fine wife, Daryl, I do believe. Yep I think she’d do just fine.”

The sound he makes when I jump out of the tree and take em to the ground is the best thin I heard in a while. It knocks the air out of the son of a bitch and I punch him in the face. His nose starts bleedin gain and he makes a noise like Merle when I shot him in the foot when I was 10. Then he comes at me and we roll on the ground tradin punches. I see the flash of the knife. I just get out the way and get to ma feet. He stands too and comes at me. I back up and when he swings, I catch his arm and hit his wrist on the tree behind us. He drops the knife. I grab it and bury it in his throat. 

He stares at me with his eyes wide open. He looks surprised. I’m not. I’ve known since the day I saw Judith ready ta kill him for me that I would kill him. His mouth opens and closes and I think fuck even now he wants ta make a speech.

“You’re done asshole. No one around ta save ya this time. Not that I woulda saved ya then. This is what shoulda happened then too. Only thing me and Rick ever really fought bout. Now ya gonna die here in the woods and I’m gonna leave ya body here for the animals. All ya deserve.”

He has slid ta the ground and stares up at me. He’s dyin and he knows it. His mouth opens and closes gain and I wonder what he woulda said. Can’t say anythin now though. I stand and watch the life leave em. Then I stab em in the head and turn and walk away.

Back to the horse, back the way we came. I’m hurt but it’s okay. Don’t think I’m dyin anyway. I’m about halfway back to Sanctuary when I hear familiar voices. I smile. It’s ma family, here for me. I’m glad they came. Had hoped they would. Shoulda known they would.


End file.
